I Was Blind

Readers, I have something to tell you that is very hard for me to say, but there is a need for me to apologize. Here I stand giving you words of wisdom that I have seen and heard but I am not living by them. My pride has been blinding me and I did not even know it. Looking back at the last year of my life there, are so many times that my actions and thoughts were filled with pride. For all of this, I am truly sorry and ask for your forgiveness.  

My life this summer has not been anything like what I thought it was going to be. My first week at camp was very good because God used me to usher a little girl of 11 into His family. During the second week of camp, there were so many people that encouraged me in my walk with the Lord, and I was able to make friends that will last a life time. Now I am living in Wyoming till the end of August with the Smith family and Caleb Wilkins, learning home economics and cooking. If you had asked me five days ago what I was learning and how things are going for me, my answer would have been, “Well I am not learning as much cooking as I thought I would, and it has been rather hard for me to live with the Smiths.” As true as that was, I can no long say that. After I had a long talk about the shortcomings in my life with a friend, God started to point some facts about my heart and spirit out to me. Much to my surprise, I learned that the difficulties that I have been facing this summer are 100% my fault.

Did you know that, just like they say, love is blind? Pride is very much the same way only it has worse side effects that last a whole lot longer. I came to Wyoming to learn how to cook.  However, God brought me to Wyoming to show me that the pride in my life was so vast that I had gotten used to it, and I was no longer able to respond to His leading. I was blind to my pride because I was in love with it.

 As a teenager, I have given into the lie that the world, through media, is indoctrinating all of us with the thought that we can do it all on our own. People have learned not to expect great things from the people in this world that are between the age of twelve and twenty; we have even been given the title of teenagers. Teenagers only have to do the things that they want to. Therefore our chances of failing and doing something wrong are very small. We will only submit ourselves to tasks that we have confidence we can do well. We go out for the sports that we are best at. We are able to look the world over till we find the perfect job that is not too hard for us, and will not demand to much of us in areas that we are not very strong. There is nothing at this age that we can get ourselves into that our parents cannot get us out of. Teens are not expected to do much, so what we do end up doing is a really big deal; we then get patted on the back and we feel all good about ourselves. The way that our culture is set up makes the perfect brewing pot for pride and arrogance.

I have this problem of pride that has gotten so large it consumes me. I cannot just say                     there is a problem and leave it at that; I now have to go about finding God’s will on how he wants me to fix the problem. When I was younger, my father called me the most prideful child he ever had. At the time, I thought I could have a small issue with pride, but, in my mind, it was not nearly as bad as my father’s. I thought that, since I was aware of the problem, I would be fine because I would be able to see it in myself now that I knew it was there. Wrong! Since I did not address the problem in the right way, (in fact I really did not do anything about it at all) it is no longer just a problem it is a catastrophe. This time I pray and hope that I do not just brush pride off. Last time it did not even dawn on me that I had acted wrongly towards the people around me; this time I have a very long list of people that I get the pleasure of apologizing to. This project of apologizing is only the start for me; God is going to find the most interesting ways to humble me.      

Psalms 75:5-7 “Do not lift up your horn on high, do not speak with insolent pride.” For not from the east, nor from the west, nor from the desert comes exaltation; But God is the judge; He puts down one and exalts another.

Proverbs 29: 23 A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.

Isaiah 2:17 The pride of man will be humbled and the loftiness of men will be abased; and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day.  

These verses are the ones that God has been using in my life the last few days. This is only my first gleaning from what God has to say on pride, and what God has to say is very powerful and is not to be ignored.

Project: The project for this month is 50% something that the Lord is going to do in you: that is, if you ask him. It is very hard to humble yourself before the Lord and men. If you do not want to be humbled, do not ask because even when I have halfheartedly asked, God made it happen.

The other part of this project is asking the people that are your good friends where they see your walk with God is lacking. Your friends will have a lot more to point out then you thought even possible. Take what they say and bring it before the Lord and ask his opinion on it. After you have asked your good friends, ask some people that you do not always get along with. Watch and see what the Lord does with that.

Follow Up: I did not have a project for last month so there is nothing for me to write in this section of my blog that would be entertaining except…

     It is not that the wise are never at a loss for words, but that they rather take this as an indication to stop talking.       ~Caleb Wilkins~